And here it is. A complete fail post to try to explain everything. What I used to think, and of course, what I used to feel. Soon or later I was going to write about this, so why not now? Why not in English?
Well, that's because I'm kind of ashamed. It's embarassing, and I really didn't want to talk about this... but I said too many things in older posts. I writed too much about her, about me, for nothing. I'm not questioning the objective of my blog, because this post is the most important here.
First of all, I grew up next to a friend who was an awesome kid. We are, like, "best friends"... but sometime, many years ago, something happened. We just couldn't talk to each other like before. The subject of the conversation was always the same: a girl. He felt in love, and as I friend, I just gave him some help. Not really useful 'cause we were kids, after all.
But these times took so long... so many damn years. To shorten, he never could be more than a friend to her. But of course, he never gave up... All this time, I was just someone who would be at his side if he cried (yes, he did). But I heard so much about that girl, so many praises... not only from him, but other guys told many good things about her. I wish it could be different, but that's how it started.
And it started slowly... damn God. Fourth grade, that was the perfect chance, but there were some problems. First, there was my friend. And second, she didn't want anything from no one. Next grade, I don't know why I didn't anything. In later september, a lot of people stop talking to me. I was way sad to do something... and that bought me to sixth grade.
I met a friend who said me that would help me... why refuse? To the hell I know. I used to be annoying and coarse as hell. She just left me behind, and went to help my friend. The worst thing that could happen, just happened. She helped him, and he tried to be with that girl more times... and I couldn't do anything to stop him.
But something worse happened... the girl just got a boyfriend. Holy mother of God, why? And I had to sit next to him everyday because stupid "map class"... As always, I tried to hide my anger for him, and seems like he didn't notice. After all, that guy as a friend, but he just appeared out of nowhere and turned her boyfriend. "Burn in hell", I thought many times.
At least they didn't took long. I don't remember the reason, but they broke up. It didn't too long, but it was a eternity for me... and meanwhile, I tried to forgot about her. It didn't work, but I tried. Tried for two years, maybe? I dunno what the hell I've been doing these years. So lazy...
And there was, 2008. After all this time, most boys, if not all of them, had give up already. One more chance, I thought. I didn't know what to do, and even tried to ask a friend a favor, but I did it for myself. As a newbie at this side of life, I gave her a Easter egg. Not the best idea, maybe, but it was a start. After this, I explained what happened later in this post: "I'm Inkey ^____^". I gave her a birthday gift. Now THAT was weird. And even better, she never thank me and talked about that gift.
Since then, I have been writing here... never again I tried anything "better" than that gift. And I'm trying hard now to forget her. I'm not angry at all, I may understand what she felt for me... or not.
Well, it doesn't matter anymore. As I said in a earlier post, it's not like I'm loving another girl, but I just want to change. Some people even told how I did change... well, that's awesome. I'm trying to be closer to a friend, yes. If I'll try something big as a Easter Egg or a gift? I don't know. At least I know that this girl is really a friend, and she knows I'm her friend too.
Sorry about this damn long post :( And yes, my English is rotting... I never used to talk like this before, anyway :(
Tear down this lying wall
Há 12 anos
7 comentários:
Papel is growing up, q
Tipo, é complicado e tal, mas faz bem pra nossa formação essas coisas. Adquirimos experiência. Anyway, tudo de bom pra tu. o/
""Burn in hell", I thought many times." euri
É, certo ou errado, não importa. Tem que acontecer.
Valeu \o
Papellll, teu inglês é perfeito, só errou uma palavra, que write no passado não é writed, é wrote, só isso! ^^ Mas não vim aqui te corrigir, né.
Realmente, essas coisas acontecem porque tem que acontecer. Não é 'maktub¹', porque você escolhe o caminho que deseja seguir. Mas você não escolhe as confusões, os erros e tudo o mais, certo? parcialmente. Afinal, você trilhou o caminho que quis, e deveria estar ciente das conesquencias, BUT trilhou o que seria importante pra você, pensando nas coisas boas, não nos buracos que ia encontrar. É, a vida é contraditória...
¹ Maktub significa "estava escrito". [+cultura]
noss, nem vi o writed... mas também, fiquei sem saco pra re-ler, e essa foi a primeira vez que escrevi tanto assim em inglês >_>
É meio complicado isso, qualquer caminho que a gente siga, a gente vai encontrar dificuldades, e eu acho que fiz bem em ter escolhido outro. É difícil pensar nisso, as vezes dá vontade de voltar atrás, ficar pensando no que fazer se eu não tivesse escolhido aquilo... mas é, a vida é esquisita :(
nem sabia do maktub, nunca nem ouvi falar disso XD
e sei lá, não gosto de fazer post assim, quando escrevo como se isso fosse algo muitíssimo impressionante pra qualquer um que lê, mas o fato de eu ter escrito realmente já me deixa mais tranquilo '-'
Obrigado, Mari :)
The book is on the table?
o.o'
No, because I'm not studying :(
Prova de inglês foi hoje, nem gostei muito. Veremos no que dá.
necessario verificar:)
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